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(no subject) [May. 24th, 2011|10:59 pm]
[My Mood |determineddetermined]

Just remembered why my family is a bunch of rednecks. Upon seeing two snakes in my aunt's pool (well, the water still in the tarp), it is eventually decided it would be best to kill the snakes. At first it was mainly because we didn't know if they were just common water snakes, or if they were copperheads. But upon finding out they were water snakes, we still decided to get rid of them because of the young kids that play in the yard. So now at least ten members of my family are around the pool. My brother-in-law, cousin, and I are now taking turns trying to kill the snakes with two BB guns. It took us over an hour, and everyone actually enjoyed the time. The only thing that could have made it more hillbilly was if we had a sixpack of beer on hand.

The one thing that did surprise me was my grandmother, who was shocked that I would even kill something. She is right though, I don't like the idea of being directly responsible in an animal's death. But when I look at my kid sister, and my still new goddaughter, I knew that what was more important was being done.

So, yeah.
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Another Whine [May. 3rd, 2011|11:42 pm]

I feel like I;ve been through this before. That I've thought about this before. That I have typed about this before. But no matter how much I think, I still haven't been able to do.  What is keeping me from trying and honestly acheiving my own personal happiness?

The answer is myself.

I mean, it isn't my friends. They have been supportive of me for years. And they still are. But instead of keeping in touch with them, I've drawn myself away. Its been almost a year since I saw a whole lot of them, and I don't even think I can bring myself to be in their presence. What am I to show for myself? That I am still miserable. That my life is stuck where it has been. At some point even I know that no matter what I say or what I do, they won't have anything to do with me. I don't want to become some bad memory ot pity conversation.

Its not my family either. I mean, most of them don't really give a damn about me. Just really my parents. In the past I needed to stick around and take care of my folks, but they are getting by pretty well now. I've heard them even talk about it. Even they are thinking my life is slipping away and I'm just miserable.

And yet, here I am. Typing out all my frustration again. Why? For what fucking reason do I keep myself like this. Why don't I just start getting out there and getting it done? It can't be something I know. If I knew what the fucking damn problem truly is with me I could take care of myself. I know I am very self-hating, but even I can see this isn't what I should be doing in life right now. I want to be able to start sleeping again at night, not tossing in my bed and drying to dig my own heart out.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

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(no subject) [Apr. 10th, 2011|11:54 pm]
[My Mood |pissed offpissed off]
[Song I'm loving |Rise Against- Help Is on the Way]

Ya know, just when I think all of that seizure nonsense is behind me, something new pops up. Only after I find out that my registration is outdated, do I find out that I can't renew my registration. Damn it all, Penndot, could you people be any more fucking stupid. This isn't doing anything to improve my outlook on life at the moment.

As for any major improvement...... yeah. I'll leave that for another day. To angry to vent right now.
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Sigh [Mar. 27th, 2011|08:48 pm]
[My Mood |crushedcrushed]

I was reminded of how much of a backwater area I live in today. I mean, where else is a billboard for a mom and pop burger joint going to advertise that is is home to "depp-fried strombolli." Let me repeat that. Burger joint. Deep-fried strombolli. o.o  There is a fear of my own existance now.
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Odds and Rear Ends [Mar. 11th, 2011|07:53 pm]
[My Mood |dorkydorky]

Went to my nuerologist the other week. The good news is that he is impressed with how well my vision has returned. The better news is that he is happy I haven't had another siezure. The bad news is that I must stay on the anti-siezure meds for the next two years, as that is how long anyone who takes them should. I was honestly hoping to get off of them soon. But at least I am healthy.

Could someone tell Buck Cherry that they suck? Seriously. Has anyone actually liked their music? These guys take the cake in unoriginal, dismal-sounding bands.

Going to wait before I get into the pokemon craze again. Usually I pick up one of the first two titles, but I'll wait for the eventual, better, third one to drop first. And that one depends on if my DS Lite doesn't crap out on me.
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End of the year journal [Feb. 19th, 2011|02:07 pm]
[My Mood |chipperchipper]

Yes, end of the year. My year to be exact. As most of you have already congradulated me on, I've been on this interesting plant for a good twenty-six  years. Yup, and last year had to be one of the oddest. From the seizure, to the birth of two new family members, to making stronger relations with people, I think I've grown a bit. Don't get me wrong, there is still a lot out there for me to learn, but I'm getting there. Hopefully, I'll keep back up with this journal. I know I say that every other post..... but I will this time.

Until then, take care all.
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Two things. [Dec. 15th, 2010|11:12 pm]
[My Mood |blahblah]

Dear Hulu, stop asking me if this ad is relevant to my interests. They are never relevant to my interests. They never will be relevant. The reason I go to Hulu is to not watch comercials for anything. That, and the newest subbed episode of One Piece. >.>

And, yeah, the holidays. I hate them. Now, this isn't because I work retail, although that has added to my dislike. I just don't normally care for this time of year and try to draw myself away from people more. My mind just views this time much differently than everyone else's, I guess. But, still, I try to do my best to make those I honestly care about feel like they are the greatst. They all deserve it.
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Question and Questions? [Dec. 7th, 2010|01:00 pm]
[My Mood |coldcold]

That I can actually have a full conversation going on about Twizzlers? I mean, a full conversation just on my favorite candy?

Also, for those few that read my journal, do you have any questions for me? Ask may and I'll answer to the best of my ability to.

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Religion and Me. [Nov. 21st, 2010|09:08 pm]
[My Mood |calmcalm]

Today was a special day in my family. My cousin, who has been a very close friend since we were both young, named me the godfather of his daughter. And today was the christening. Now that part wasn't so bad. Usually I get really nervous around things like this, expeciaaly being up in public. Today was a bit different. Guess focusing on other things helped me keep my worries in check.

And what were those other things? Well, mainly being in a church that I share no beliefs with. Though, to be honest, I don't consider myself to have a church. There were two very important things I learned from the last church I used to attend, question things and learn for yourself. Church shouldn't be a monotonous thing one attends because they are told to. It is a place to go to help learn about one's faith. Just because the head of a church says something, doesn't mean it is right. It is these lessons that I quit going to that church. Now I just need to start trying to find a new one.
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2 days in one. [Nov. 2nd, 2010|10:52 pm]
[My Mood |Look at my smileys]
[Song I'm loving |Sevendust- Unraveling]

Day Nine: Two Smileys that describe your life right now.


Day Ten: One confession.

Alright, that confession? Well, that I did this whole little meme more for the benefit of myself than of anyone who is reading it. I'm going to be honest, I don't try to be more open about myself. I just like to think, question, and keep my thoughts bottled up. Sure, this meme wasn't too important, but it was me actually typing out what I wanted to say. I want to be more open, with anyone I know. This is a small step, but a step no less.
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